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CONFUCIUS say it does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop.
Confucius never went to the Olympics. In Beijing, you always go slowly but only when you have not been stopped. It's not the 3m-tall wire fences, or the security forces or the never-ending array of X-ray machines that have brought this city to a standstill.
It's the Olympic staff. The volunteers. The workers. An epidemic of niceness has broken out. Everyone stops you to say good morning. All 500,000 of them. Good morning. Thank you. Yes, I am well and planning on having a nice day.
An hour in Beijing is like being trapped in a lift for 18 hours with the morning counter crew at McDonald's. There is no escaping. Go to the toilet. There's two guys standing at the entrance. Good morning. Good morning.
Go to wash your hands and one of them leaps dramatically in front of you, arms out as if deflecting a grenade. He turns on the tap. Please, allowing me to do this for you.
Meanwhile, the other has sprinted to the hand paper dispenser. He carefully peels off a square and hands it to you to dry your hands. Both then stand back and watch with the intensity of students observing an origami master.
Then we must all say thank you. Again. And a series of goodbyes.
By now you're hungry. So you step into the food hall. Behind a 5m-long bench where the spiced cabbage and stir-fried pork sit steaming in heated trays, 35 workers stand waiting to serve you.
There are so many, they are lined up in three rows like a football team posing for the annual photograph. All say good morning. All watch as you select your meal. Suddenly you are stricken with performance anxiety.
Will they approve if I take the noodles and chicken? What about the pork cook? Will I bring shame and dishonour on his family by not sampling his dish? You take your meal and hurry off to pay, glancing back nervously to see them smiling and waving goodbye.
Your good humour starts to desert you. Swallow your last forkful and a squad of environmentally aware cleaning staff swarm around you. They guide you to the bins. Plastic cutlery into the recycling bin. Food leftovers in another.
Down at security your bag goes through the X-ray machine. After stepping through the metal detector a young man with the Official Olympic Smile Showing Six To Eight Teeth is instantly next to you with his metal wand.
He waves it around before slapping his forehead. \"Aaah. Where be my manners? Thanking you to open your bag and allowing me to inspect your goods.''
He's clearly a graduate of the Crazy English school, widely popular in China where hundreds gather to recite English words at the top of their voices in the belief that yelling aids memory.
He spies a gold Chairman Mao watch you picked up at a souvenir stall. It's a five buck pile of garbage for which you should have paid 50c, but the girl was so nice you let them get away with it.
\"Aaah,'' shouts security officer. \"That watch is a most impressive possession. Now please go now and enjoy your day.''
And you do. Until the next one stops you. Twenty seconds later.
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发表于 2008-7-30 10:05:26
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发表于 2008-7-30 12:17:43
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